The Catholic Parish of
Saint John Henry Newman

 Covering most of East Leeds

Ode to a Grandmother

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Some primary school children were asked by their teacher to write down their thoughts on grandparents. The following hilarious essay was written by a very observant pupil, who has to remain nameless.

A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, but likes other people's girls and boys. A grandfather is a man grandmother, who goes for walks with boys and they always talk about sport, cricket, football and stuff like that. Grandmothers don't have anything to do, except to be there and because they are so old, they shouldn't play hard games or run too fast in the park. I like it when they take me to the shopping centre where the pretend horse is and they always have plenty of money for rides. When they take us for walks in the park, they keep slowing down to look for pretty leaves and caterpillars, then they tell us to "Hurry up and don't dawdle."

Usually grandmothers are quite fat, but not too fat to help you fasten your shoelaces. They wear funny glasses and funny underwear and they can take their teeth and gums out. Grandmothers don't have to be very clever, but they have to be able to answer really important questions like, "Why isn't God married?" and "Why do dogs chase cats?" When they read to us, they don't miss bits out, or mind reading the same story over and over again. Everybody should have a grandmother, especially if they don't have a television set in their room, because they are the only grownups that have plenty of spare time on their hands.

We finish with a quote from another child, who when asked what gave her the most happiness replied, "In am most happy when old ladies are being looked after."

"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child, shall not enter it."

Published Sat 12th Jan 2019 00:09:07
Last Modified on Sat 12th Jan 2019 00:09:07

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