They always say that school is the happiest time of your life. My wife Ellen was a Primary School teacher for many years before she retired and judging by some of the stories she told me, they were also the funniest.


In the English lesson the female teacher faced her class of eager faces and said, “Now children, I want you all to think very carefully and then give me a sentence with the word “fascinate” in it.” Maria, at the front of the class was considered to be the brightest and her hand immediately shot up. “Miss,” she said, “We went to Blackpool Pleasure Beach for the day and it was fascinating to watch the children come down the big dipper slide and get all wet when covered with cascading water. “Well done Maria,” said the teacher, “But I want the word, “fascinate” not “fascinating.” Another forest of hands went up and pointing to a lad at the back the teacher said, “What have you got for us Charles. The little lad said, “Once, we went to Blackpool Zoo and I was fascinated by the fierce tigress gently cleaning her little tiger cubs by licking them all over.” “That’s a wonderful little story Charles,” replied the teacher, “But you didn’t quite get it right! I am still looking for a sentence with the word “fascinate,” not fascinated.”

Again she looked round the sea of expectant faces and selected Ringo, who once told her he had been named after someone famous. “Stand up Ringo and tell us all your story.” “Please miss, when I got up this morning, I got dressed, came down stairs and started having my breakfast and then my gran came down for her breakfast. It was very cold in our house so gran put her woollen cardigan and it’s got ten buttons, but she could only manage to fasten eight.....