The Catholic Parish of
Saint John Henry Newman

 Covering most of East Leeds

Judgement Day.

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All new arrivals in heaven are interviewed by St Peter to see if admission will be granted and they have to explain what they did on their last day of life.

The first applicant of the day said: “I came home early and found my wife
lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower, but her hair was dry and the shower was dry too. I knew at once that she was up to some hanky- panky and I began to look for her lover. I went out onto the
balcony of our ninth floor apartment and I found the rat clinging to the balcony rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing at his fingers with a flower pot; eventually he let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive, I found some superhuman strength to drag our antique oak chest to the balcony and I threw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress of it all got to me and I suffered a heart attack and died.” St Peter looked a bit taken aback by this story, but he thanked the man and sent him on to the next office.

In came the second applicant who said: “I was on the roof of a building working on the air conditioning unit, when I slipped and fell. Fortunately on the way down I managed to grab hold of some railings on a balcony of a ninth floor apartment, then some idiot started to bash my hands with a flower pot and I fell again. I fell all the way down, but some awnings and bushes broke my fall and I survived. Looking up, I saw the same idiot struggling to throw a large chest over the balcony, he succeeded and the chest hit me and I was killed.” St Peter managed a chuckle as he sent
the man on to the next office.

He was still chuckling when his third customer of the day appeared. He apologised and said to the man: “I doubt if your last day on earth was as interesting as the fellow here before you, now please tell me all about how you died.”

The man started, “Well picture this, I’m stark naked and hiding in this antique oak chest when......”

“Everyone expects life to be easy, but sometimes life is difficult.”
Scott Peck.

Published Fri 21st Sep 2012 20:43:05

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