If the priest gives a homily of more than ten minutes, the he is accused of being long winded and boring. If, on the other hand, he gives a very short homily, then obviously he doesn’t care and is too easy going.

If the parish funds are reaching a dangerously low level, then he is not very good with money and obviously a bad manager of the parish.
If he mentions that the parish funds are very low, then he is seen as grasping and always going on about money.

If he visits his parishioners on a regular basis, then he is being too nosey and is obviously after something.
If he doesn’t visit them at all, then he’s too snobbish for this parish.

If he encourages raffles and fairs, he’s bleeding the people dry, but if he doesn’t, then the parish totally lacks any form of social life.
If he starts Mass on time, his watch is too fast. If he starts Mass late, then he’s holding every one up

If he redecorates the church, he’s spending far too much of our money, but if he doesn’t, he letting our beautiful church fall into ruin.
As he gets old, then he’s past it now and really should retire. When he dies, then, there was no one quite like him! And we will never see his equal again.