In this age of mass communications, with mobile phones, text messages and e-mails the art of letter writing appears to be a dying trend, but not for all of us. The following letter was written by a senior citizen to her friend.

Dear Annie,

You mentioned in your last letter that you had received an increase in your pension, but did you know that we old folk are worth a fortune? We have silver in our hair, stones in our kidneys and lead in our feet, plus gas in our tummies! Frankly, in my old age I have recently become quite daring, as I am seeing six different gentlemen every day! As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me to get out of bed, then I go and see Jimmie Riddle and then it’s time for breakfast with Mr Kellogg, followed by the refreshing company of Mr Tetley, or my other friend who keeps his full name a secret and likes to be known only by his initials of P.G. Then later on in the day comes someone I don’t like at all, but he insists on visiting me each day, he is of course Arthur Itis, he knows he isn’t really welcome, but he stays the rest of the day. After such a hectic day I’m ready to go to bed and snuggle up with Johnny Walker to keep me nice and warm and cosy.

The vicar called round to see me the other day and told me that at my age I should really be thinking more of the hereafter. I told him I do this all the time, in the kitchen, bedroom, sitting room or garden, I often as myself, ” What am I Here After?”

Well, I will close now and hope that Will Power is your constant companion too, but do take care that Gerry Atric doesn’t creep up on you from behind one night when you’re not expecting him.

Your loving friend,

Margaret